January 8, 2009

Amidst my parents' smiles and laughs of reassurance, I can see and sense worry in their eyes as every now and then the corners glisten in the formation of tears. As I was putting clothes away in my parent's room, I saw my dad, who has caught on a cold, wiping his eyes as if all the problems came running down through him triggering tear shed. I can only imagine what he and my mom are thinking. Even I'm wondering how we're going to pull through. With my dad's age, seeing as he is getting old, and my mom's inability to fully recover to regain mobility of her left arm, it's rather difficult to be hopeful nowadays. Today I walked to my grandma's house to help her in sending an email (yeah she hasn't caught on yet). So many thoughts and emotions came to me with every step to the point where I remembered what my mom had said, to always pray and to have faith in God that he would take care of us, that what we have here is another trial. I arrived at my grandmas, helped her in sending an email, then walked back home. As I neared my house, I saw my mom sitting down on the porch bench outside our house. I told her to walk with me and she agreed. I actually talked to my mom during that walk, something that I especially miss when we used to have our talks all the time as she would drive down to oakland to pick my lola up and I'd sit in the passenger seat listening to her stories. This time, was different. She said, 'If i hadn't gotten this surgery, we wouldn't have been in this situation. Even if your dad was laid off, we still would be okay because I would still be working. But my condition would be worse if I didn't remove my fibroids (cancerous cysts in the uterus). Yenno, anak, when we all went to the philippines when you and your sister were younger, me and your dad both didn't have a job. Your Lolo Willy even asked why we went there when me and your dad didn't have a job.' I asked her why did we go then. 'So you and your sister can experience Christmas in the Philippines. And remember we had to go again because your Lolo Willy passed away? That's two times we went back to the Philippines. We had no jobs, but the little we saved up and through God's guidance, help and our prayers we got through it. This is only a trial anak. We'll get through this like we did before. I'm just hoping that I will get better.' That was what she said. Hopefully God had heard my mom and the inner depths of her heart at that moment to answer her very most prayers because in all honesty, she deserves it more than anything.